So God and I haven't exactly been on the same page lately. You know, the page where your immediate future is written out all nicely and outlined for simplicity and convenience. Yeah. I don't think I even have page in my book anymore. Not that I haven't been looking for it, I've been searching for mine own reassurance--trying to steady myself with my own hand, digging my heels in deeper and gritting my teeth against the winds of change. It wasn't until I searched the Lord's book that I found the page I was missing.
"...Yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought up thither; yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness."
"And on the fourth day, which we had been driven back, the tempest began to be exceedingly sore."
"And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm." --1st Nephi, Chapter 18
Now albeit this is a jigsawed summary in its simplest form, it was exactly what I needed to read. Not necessarily have I been practicing exceeding rudeness, but I was forsaking my Lord enough that a change needed to be made. I guess the cold shoulder, or the silent treatment, is rude enough, when it is directed at Him--be it intentional or not.
And I believe that because of my lack of constant connection and preparation for a mission, a mighty tempest my life has been as of late, after a car accident took my brother and I by surprise and left us without transportation.
This event, taking no more than 30 seconds to occur, changed my whole path that I had scribbled in the margins of God's map for my life. In order for Carter to keep his job, we had to move out to my parents' apartment in Salt Lake City, and in turn I had to quit my job. It wouldn't have worked if I had stayed in bountiful anyways, I couldn't make it to work without a vehicle.
So, no more than two days after the accident, we were living in southern Salt Lake.
To say the least, this last month down here has been, how you say, character building. Commuting to school now took 2 hours, and making a trip up to Kaysville to visit my parents' house was now an all day event. I thought I was a patient man. I thought this could be handled with ease. I was wrong.
I'm not sure how God figured out my secret struggle with patience--maybe he glanced at my instant queue on Netflix, or the extra money I shelled out for priority shipping--But He saw fit to change such a weakness, to make such a fault a way of life, until I embodied it, until it made me strong. And strong it has made me.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."--Ether, Chapter 12, verse 27
This wasn't the only weakness that God is making strong. I have noticed a daily struggle to keep an air of humility about myself, a struggle to serve others, and to know how it is that I can best help those around me. And a lot of the assistance I can offer is just about sacrifice. Sacrifice time, by waiting an extra half hour for a ride- sacrifice money by quitting my job, etc... Now that I realize it, God will have me sacrifice until there is nothing left to sacrifice, until there is nothing left but the strength of my soul and the will of the Lord. And then there will be calm to this storm. But until then, I must continue to pray and realize that this is where I am, and this is where I am going to stay until I am ready to change.
"He ruleth high in the heavens, for it is his throne, and this earth is his footstool." --1st Nephi, Chapter 17, verse 39
