The Anger Hike

One of the stranger traditions my family partakes in on Thanksgiving day is a hike, around noon. It's just up on the Vita course, near the shooting range and animal shelter, but a hike nonetheless.

As we all piled out of the truck, groaning and moaning about the hike we were about to go on, my dad stopped us and quieted us all down, saying, "Kay guys, Mom's been stressin out about this whole Thanksgiving dinner thing, and the last thing she needs today are you guys fighting and calling each other names, so just get it out here. You've got the whole hike to get all your insults and urges to fight out."

After hearing this, Chandler excitedly began his insulting tirade. He began rather creatively, starting off with insults regarding physical appearance and flaws, then moving on to intellectual aptitude and emotional endurance. For instance, knowing that I struggle with math, Chandler held up his hand like he was answering a phone, then said "oh, he's right here." Then turning to me, Chandler said "Tanner it's your math tutor, she said to remember to practice your flashcards or you'll never make it through the timestables."

Most of the time his insults were so good that no one could hurt him because they'd be laughing too hard. And in this family, if the insult was good enough, you didn't get beat up.

Not all of his insults were good enough, though.

Noah decided to keep it basic. He's never much of a gambler when it comes to his physical well-being, so it was his stragety to rattle off basic insults like "Idiot Head" or "Doofus," and just stay out of reach. Unfortunaly for Noah, most of the time his odds at skipping a well deserved punch were as good as Chandler's. No one was hurt too bad...





Now Hayden has a very simple philosophy, when it comes to confrontation. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Cursed with the shortest fuse in the family, Hayden would remain in a retaliatory state, until he grew tired of thinking up witty stuff to say. Then he'd skip right to the dead arms and the snow balls.

Now, after the first couple minutes I was sure that someone would be in tears and ready to go home, after all, you tell a group of brothers to "get all your fightin and insultin out" and something bad is bound to happen.

But I was wrong, we made it a lot longer than expected, as soon as everyone ran out of insults and began throwing snow. However, there were some close calls, and if Noah hadn't dodged a screamingly fast cannonball of snow aimed at his face, we would have had to take a trip downtown to get his glasses fixed too. I tell ya, that snow ball was close enough to kiss his cheek. So lucky.

Even my dad decided to join in on the snowball war and, despite the lack of snow, we duked it out rather well. After staking out territories and claiming bases, of course.

It was going splendidly, everyone was having fun and enjoying themselves, which meant something was bound to go wrong right then. You see, I was wearing old, torn up jeans, and as soon as I dropped onto my haunches to dodge the first snowball, the hole next to my back pocket tore open with a loud cry of anguish, that Chandler heard from twenty feet away. Needless to say, those pants didn't survive the night... The best part was walking back down the mountain in those tattered jeans. Very Chilly.

All in all everyone was happy and having fun by the end of it. Even though Chandler's combat boots from Smith and Edwards gave him big blisters, and Noah still kept rattling off insults throughout the entire experience, once we got home, not a one negative word came between one another.

Which leaves me with one big question. Does this guy really know what he's doing? Does he know it's going to work before he tries crazy stuff like an Anger Hike? Well whether he does or not, it worked. Thus, he's a genius.